Cut
by Jaegerbombtastic
Summary: Quinn can't tell which world is worse - Shingeki no Kyojin or her own.
1. Chapter 1

_**Warnings: Adult themes, language, cutting, suicide, depression, death, feels, OCs, possible yaoi/yuri.**_

**With this story, I want to show what depression is really like.****It's not just, "Oh, I fell in love so now I'll stop cutting!"**

**No. It's**** much, much, much more complicated than that. ****Also****, ****the ****characters ****aren't ****speaking ****Japanese****. ****They're ****using ****their ****English ****dubbed ****voices.**

**And yes, it's a Levi X OC. But hopefully it'll be a long one.**

**I hope this hasn't turned you away and you'll proceed to the first chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

_"Why were you even born?" Rebecca spat, glaring down at her daughter with pure hatred burning in her eyes, "You're useless. You're not fit to be the Knoxville heir."_

_Quinn's eyes widened only just, her expression darkening. "Why do you treat me like that!? It's not like I'm the princess of the kingdom or anything! Just find another goddamn heir!"_

_Rebecca huffed, folding her arms and turning her back. Her flawless brunette locks seemed to shine from the overhead light in their kitchen. _

_"It's not that easy," she scoffed snobbishly, "The future owner of the company has to be a Knoxville. I had faith in you when you were born, so I ridded myself from having any more children." Rebecca turned her head to stare at Quinn with cold, gray eyes. "But look at what you've turned out to be. An introverted loner who does nothing but eat and watch Netflix all day. Pathetic."_

_"Maybe I wish that I was never born either," the tearful girl cried, turning around and stomping away._

_As Quinn stormed up the stairs, angry tears forming in her eyes, she froze mid-step when she heard the next sentence her mother uttered:_

_"Maybe you should take some advice from your peers and kill yourself."_

* * *

><p>Quinn gasped, sitting up frantically and panting. She shivered, rubbing her arms and looking down at her lap.<p>

That's when she realized that she was not, in fact, in her room.

As she looked around, the room began to seem somewhat familiar to her. The bed she laid on wasn't entirely comfortable, but it was alright.

Another thing that was odd was that there were bandages around her arm and shoulder. Quinn ran a hand through her short, messy blonde hair and swung her feet around to the side of the bed. Slowly making her way to her feet, she wobbled a bit and sighed.

Quinn hesitantly made her way towards the door and twisted the knob, pulling it open and peeking outside. She could hear chattering and laughter coming from a room down the hall and, since she had no other ideas, decided to follow it.

"Oh, by the way, how's that girl doing?"

Quinn froze. The voice was extremely familiar.

She took a few more steps forward and leaned against the doorway, out of sight and not daring to look in fear of being caught. So in result, she simply listened.

There was a silence before another female voice replied, "Not sure. I checked on her about an hour ago; she seemed fine. Her breathing has become normal, and her wounds are healing just fine."

_Wounds__? _Quinn looked down at her shoulder and forearm. _Oh__._

"Wait, you said you found her about to be eaten by a Titan?"

The blonde gasped softly, using her uninjured arm to cover her mouth. "Oh my God..." she whispered almost inaudibly, her eyes widening.

That's when she decided to look, and she nearly choked on the air. Sitting at the dining table was the members of Squad Levi, plus Eren and Hanji.

_No__. __This __is __a __dream__. __It __can't __be __real__._

The aching, lingering pain shooting up Quinn's shoulder proved otherwise.

"Hey, isn't that her...?" Auruo questioned, spotting Quinn's head peeking out from behind the door.

_Shit__._

The others turned to look, and Hanji gasped excitedly before standing up and rushing towards the injured blonde.

Levi scoffed, taking a sip of his tea. "Don't injure the brat any more."

"Hi!" Hanji yanked the door the rest of the way and gently ushered Quinn inside, seemingly oblivious to the blonde's confusion and amazement. "My name is Hanji Zoë, and I've been the one tending to your wounds."

Quinn's eyes trailed down to her bandages before hesitantly looking up to meet Hanji's eyes.

Petra frowned slightly, standing up from her seat and walking closer to her. "Are you okay? You look a bit...pale. And shocked."

_Yeah__, __because __your __Petra __fucking __Ral__,_ Quinn wanted to say, but managed to choke the words down, _And __damn__, __Levi l__ooks __better __in __person__._

"What's your name?" Petra asked kindly, a smile quickly adorning her face.

The blonde fiddled with her bandages before muttering out a lame, "Quinn Knoxville..."

Now, she wasn't shy. She just hated being placed in situations where she didn't know anyone and had to converse with others.

Though Quinn couldn't exactly pinpoint how she felt about this situation.

"Quinn, eh?" Hanji laughed heartily, "Nice!" The brunette woman led Quinn towards a seat at the table in between Eren and Levi, smiling almost obsessively at her.

_Holy __shit__, __it's __Eren__. __Eren __Jaeger__. Jaegerbombtastic. Oh __my __God__, __Quinn__, __be __cool__. __Oh__, __who __am __I __kidding__, __I'm __never __cool__._

"Do you remember anything before this? Like, what happened?" Hanji questioned, pushing her glasses up her nose.

Quinn blinked, sparring an inner debate whether to tell them that she had been watching them on Netflix while eating frozen pizza before she blacked out and woke up in HQ or not.

She decided not to.

"U-uh...n-not really..." Quinn replied as she mentally scolded herself for sounded so stupid, "And...did you say that I was almost _eaten __by __a __Titan_?"

Levi shared a glance with the glasses-wearing woman. Then he stared into her plain blue eyes with a terrifyingly stoic expression.

"Be grateful, brat, because I saved your ass while you were unconscious," he said, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly.

Quinn narrowed her eyes, annoyed. "I'm not a brat," she snapped, "I'll have you know I'm 18."

"And I'm 27. Your point?"

"I'm a fully-grown adult!"

"Not with those clothes you aren't."

"Did you just–"

"Yes, brat."

"I'm not a brat! I'm 18!"

"Huh. I wouldn't have guessed. With you height and all."

"Like you're one to talk, Mr. 5'3"!"

"I'm still taller than you."

Hanji elbowed Eren excitedly, a large and mischievous smile forming on her face. She giggled, "Ooh, this is gonna be good! I can tell!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Is Quinn annoying so far? I feel like she is. Her name is kinda OOC, but my friend's name is Quinn and when I couldn't think of a name, she just randomly blurted out hers. So I went with it.**

**Please let me know if I can improve this in any way. But please know that the story is still settling in. Also, this is a rather short chapter, so I apologize for that.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 2<p>

The interrogation began shortly after the introductions.

Quinn was back in bed, due to the orders of Hanji that she needed to rest. That's when Levi's suspicious ass waltzed in and sat down on a stool right beside her. He crossed his legs and folded his arms before glaring at her.

"Where did you come from?"

_Well, bitch, I can't tell you that_, she wanted to say, but managed to keep it from escaping. Instead, she responded, "Uh...I-I can't really remember..."

Levi didn't change his expression. Quinn tried to peek into his eyes and see if anything would be revealed there, but his cold gray orbs reminded her of her mother too much.

Then the ravenette sighed. "Why the hell were you in the middle of the forest - alone, unconcious, and wearing the stupidest clothes I've ever seen anyone wear."

"Okay, you _have_ to be gay."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

The two stared at each other for what seemed like forever before the blonde scratched the back of her neck.

"Uh..." she mumbled, pretending like she was thinking, "I, er, don't really know..." _Of course I do._

"You're lying."

"Am not." _Of course I am._

"In case you are unaware, I do not accept lying."

"In case you are unaware," Quinn spat, running a hand through her hair and looking away, "I do not accept disrespect." _Of course I do._

The room was silent. Levi stared daggers at Quinn, yet she refused to look at him. The blonde glowered at her lap, clenching her fists. Then she whipped her head around to face him, her eyes ablaze.

"Why the hell do you even care?" _No one does._

"If Hanji's calculations are correct, you were unconscious in a nest for about over 48 hours," Levi replied, scratching his chin in thought and eyeing her up and down, "Everyone wonders how you managed to avoid being eaten in that time."

The blonde's eyes widened. She gasped softly, confusion rattling her head. "Wait...what?" _How is that possible?_

Levi shrugged just barely. "I'm not entirely sure myself," he replied, leaning closer and resting his elbows on his knees, "But a soldier who possibly can be temporarily immune to Titans is quite handy. And I'd rather have them before those filthy Military Police rats put their grubby hands on them."

* * *

><p>Quinn was brought food and water by Eren, who was unsure of what to think of the blonde at first. He carefully set down the tray on her lap and stood awkwardly, wondering if he should leave or not.<p>

"Hey," the blonde said softly, somewhat startling the brunette, "You can sit and stay for a while, ya know."

Her shoulders drooped slightly as Eren hesitantly sat down on the edge of the bed, a consderably far distance away from her. _I'm so sorry to make you uncomfortable, but I don't want to be alone._

"You're Eren, right?" she asked, even though she knew exactly who he was. Looking up into the Titan shifter's green eyes, she saw them widen slightly before he nodded.

Eren took a deep breath. "So you're the girl Hanji was raving about," he mused, lazily running a hand through his hair and eyeing her bandages, "The one who apparently was immune to Titans for about 48 hours?"

"Is that really...true?" Quinn questioned skeptically, tearing a piece off the slice of bread she was brought.

"Well..." Eren bit his lip, thinking for a moment, "Hanji said that due to your injuries and your state of health and whatever, it was a rough estimate that you had been lying in the same spot for over 48 hours. And when they got there was when the Titans began to attack you."

Quinn fiddled with her hands, taking the last bite of the bread and thinking for a moment.

She was in the world of Shingeki no Kyojin. She was like one of those fanfiction girls.

_Is this even real?_

She bit her lip, hesitantly glancing up at Eren. She was tempted to tell him everything, but she held her tongue and sighed, leaning back and resting her head against the pillow.

"Do you think I'll be able to get up out of bed soon?" she wondered aloud, not really expecting an answer. Yet she got one nonetheless.

Eren replied, "Well, I'm not sure. Captain Levi wanted you to stay in bed until you're fully healed."

_Levi shrugged just barely. "I'm not entirely sure myself," he replied, leaning closer and resting his elbows on his knees, "But a soldier who possibly can be temporarily immune to Titans is quite handy. And I'd rather have them before those filthy Military Police rats put their grubby hands on them."_

Quinn sighed. "That's the only reason he cares, though..." she mumbled to herself, turning on her side and blowing the falling hair out of her eyes.

Eren took this as a sign that she wanted to be alone and picked up the empty tray. "Um..." he said awkwardly, "I'll see you later..."

Quinn blinked, watching his retreating form leave and shut the door behind him.

"...Bye..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Many time skips in this one. My apologies.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

_"I don't want to go back..." she sobbed, tears streaming down her face, "Please don't make me go back..." _

_Quinn buried her face in her pillow, trying to block out the noises from downstairs. Her parents discussing some kind of arranged marriage to another rich man who apparently would "straighten her up" and turn her into an "acceptable heir"._

_She hastily stood, rushing over to her desk and yanking the drawer open. Her hand trembled as she picked up the sleek sharp knife and held it over her wrist.  
><em>

_"Levi..." she choked out, "...Please don't go..."_

* * *

><p>Quinn awoke the next morning to find that she was crying.<p>

She sat up, groaning slightly from moving too fast, and held her shoulder. It didn't hurt as much as it did the other day, but it was still a bit sore.

"Hey! You're awake!" Petra suddenly exclaimed as she walked in the room. Quinn jumped, startled, and stared at her with wide eyes.

The auburn bit her lip in realization. "Oops. Sorry. I didn't mean to yell," she laughed awkwardly, "Anyways, since your arm is nearly healed, Captain Levi said that you're able to work around the HQ. If you're gonna stay here, you might as well contribute."

"Wait..." Quinn raised her eyebrows in surprise, yanking the blankets off her. "I'm staying here?"

Petra nodded happily, a warm smile on her face. "Captain Levi and Commander Erwin plan on turning you into a soldier."

She extended her hand, and Quinn took it. Petra pulled the shorter girl to her feet, and snickered at the blonde's glower.

"Why is everyone taller than me?" she grumbled, looking up at the auburn and putting a hand on her hip.

The open window allowed a slight breeze to come through, blowing through the girls' hair gently. Quinn looked outside, her gaze immediately directed towards the blue sky and beautiful clouds.

"You must be dying to go outside after being cooped up in a room forever," Petra said, walking towards the door and motioning for Quinn to follow, "Now, c'mon. I'll go fetch you some clothes and take you to Levi."

Quinn scoffed. _Oh, please. I've stayed in my own room for weeks at a time._

* * *

><p>The blonde half-expected to be given the uniform, but since she wasn't technically a soldier yet, she was given a plain black t-shirt and a pair of tan pants.<p>

_Oh, holy fuck, I'm gonna be a freaking soldier. In the Survey Corps. ON SQUAD LEVI._

It was getting exceptionally difficult to _**not** _fangirl. On the outside, anyways.

Quinn pushed her hair back out of her face and laced up her white tennis shoes, despite the fact that no one had them in the SnK world. However, no one questioned them. After all, the Survey Corps was a group of weirdos. And Quinn was one of the biggest ones of all.

"How long does it take for you to get dressed?" Levi said when Quinn finally walked outside, "Were you taking a long dump or something?'

The blonde furrowed her eyebrows, turning her attention towards the bandages on her arm and shoulder, and then looking back at Levi.

"Oh, sorry," she drawled, "I was just trying to avoid harming _my fucking shoulder_."

Levi's eyes flashed in slight irritation, but he let it go and shoved a broom in Quinn's hand. "Your first assignment is to sweep the courtyard."

Quinn blinked as he walked away, pulling the cloth over his mouth and going to clean elsewhere. To be honest, she had no idea how to clean. Since the Knoxvilles have been rich for many generations, they always had maids to do their cleaning for them.

She never had to clean herself; not even her own room or her dishes.

The blonde looked at the broom, remembering how the maid used it to sweep the floors. She gripped it in her hands and hesitantly let the head scrape against the courtyard floor.

And after a few moments, she began to get the hand of it, and continued doing so.

* * *

><p>After Quinn managed to clean the courtyard, she was absolutely exhausted. And it didn't help when Levi shoved a cloth and cleaning stuff into her arms and made her clean her room.<p>

She still couldn't believe that she was going to become a soldier.

Technically, she would have to go through three years of training, but (they hadn't informed her yet how) somehow Levi and Erwin managed to pull some strings; they would train her.

The blonde frowned, scrubbing a slight stain on her window and letting her arm drape to her side so she could rest it for a moment. Her shoulder was beginning to feel a bit sore.

"Hey, I'm like Sousuke," she said to herself with a roll of her eyes before throwing the cloth against the window and setting down the bucket of cleaning fluid crap.

She sighed, plopping down on the floor and tucking her knees to her chest. The room was dark and chilly, causing Quinn to shiver. She lowered her eyes, clenching her pant legs in her fists and angrily yelling at herself in her head.

_They hate you. You're annoying. They don't want you around. They just feel sorry for you because you're so pathetic._

Quinn cringed, pressing her back against the wall. She gulped, flinching when there was a knock on the door.

"Quinn? It's me, Eren," the voice said, "Petra told me to fetch you for dinner."

_Why don't you go eat, you fat whore?_

The blonde inhaled, her breathng staggered and raspy. "N-No..." she stammered out nervously, shaking slightly, "I'm fine...I'm not hungry..."

"Are you sure? Petra really insisted on you eating to get your strength back. Your training starts tomorrow, anyways."

_Go ahead, Quinn. Get even fatter and uglier than you already are._

Quinn wiped away a tear before nodding, forgetting that Eren couldn't see her. She tried desperately to keep her voice steady as she replied,

"Mm-hmm. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

_Fine. I'll be fine. Everything's fine. I'm fine._

_Fine..._

_I hate that word._

_I hate it so much._

_I hate it..._

_I hate me._


	4. Chapter 4

***is a major Ereri shipper and wants to put it in the story but can't because it's a Levi X OC***

* * *

><p>Chapter 4<p>

Eren was right. Quinn's training had begun the very next day. Due to having not eaten dinner or breakfast, Quinn felt weak as Levi instructed her how long and how far she had to run.

"You will be doing laps until I say done. Understand?" Levi ordered, his arms folded as he looked down at the rather pale blonde.

She nodded hesitantly, despite having never actually run before.

Quinn was shoved outside, and when the whistle blew, she took a deep breath and began running to the best of her ability.

* * *

><p>"She's doing pretty good, eh?" Hanji chuckled as she and Levi watched Quinn complete her laps.<p>

Levi narrowed his eyes. "There's something off."

"What do you mean?"

The raven looked over at her, his expression stoic as always. "She's weaker than a normal person." Levi watched carefully as her footing staggered. Yet she managed to keep on her feet and panted as she ran.

"How long has she been running?" Hanji asked in amazement, "She's been going at it for - how long? - an hour or so?"

"Most soldiers can last three hours before getting as tired as she is," Levi informed, taking a drink of his tea, "It'll take a while to turn her into one."

Quinn slowed down, catching her breath and trying to stay on her feet. She had never ran this much before. Being a Knoxville and all. Besides, she was actually pretty lazy.

"Oi!" Levi called irritably, "Did I say you could stop?"

The blonde sighed, straightening her back. "N-no.." she muttered before getting back to it.

* * *

><p>Another half hour passed, and Quinn was at her limit. Hanji had gone to try and convince Eren into working on some experiments with her, and Levi was the only one watching her.<p>

Quinn's vision was becoming blurry, and her lungs burned. Her legs wobbled before she collasped, falling into unconciousness.

Levi's eyes widened only slightly. He stood, sighing, and walked over to her fallen form. Gently poking her side with his foot, he soon came to the realization that she wasn't healthy at all.

"Damn brat," he cursed, "You need to eat more."

The ravenette picked her up and threw her body over his shoulder before walking back towards the HQ. She was surprisingly light - much lighter than she should be for her age.

Petra gasped when she saw Quinn and frowned. "I knew she should've eaten dinner last night..." she muttered, "She didn't eat this morning either."

"How troublesome," Levi said flatly, throwing Quinn onto her bed and slamming the door shut behind him. He looked over at Auruo and pursed his lips. "Inform me when she awakes. I have a few things to speak to her about."

"Yes, sir!"

* * *

><p>"No, no, no, no, don't make me go in there," Quinn pleaded as she desperately attempted to scramble out of Auruo's arms, "He's gonna yell at me, dude! <em>DON'T<em>."

Auruo tch-ed, knocking on the door to Levi's room and grunting when Quinn elbowed him in the side.

"What do you want?" Levi hissed from the other side of the door.

"You told me to bring Quinn when she woke up, sir."

There was a silence until the door opened, revealing Levi's irritated face. He eyed Auruo and Quinn up and down before sighing and snatching the blonde by the collar, throwing her inside his room and slamming the door shut.

Quinn rubbed her head and groaned, turning to glare at Levi. But she gulped when she saw his hard stare, shifting her gaze so she couldn't look into his eyes.

Levi kicked the blonde in the face, causing her to gasp in surprise and fall against the ground. His foot remained on the side of her head as he folded his arms. "You collasped during training."

She blinked in shock. "Wha? I did?"

"Your body is too weak to handle running for very long," Levi said, "You're going to have to work at it slowly before you can even try to run for that long." Then he frowned. "Why the hell are you so weak?"

_Because my body isn't used to it_, Quinn thought, biting her lip. She struggled underneath the short man's surprisingly strong foot, trying to wiggle her way out of his grasp. He only pressed his foot harder.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" he practically spat, digging his heel into her cheek, "It's gonna take a long time to turn you into a soldier."

Quinn winced, shifting her gaze towards his terrifyingly attractive face.

"Now get up and eat," Levi ordered, "Petra told me that you didn't eat last night, or this morning, and that may be half the reason you're so weak. And you aren't leaving my sight until you do."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Well, he stayed true to his word._

Quinn bit down on the piece of meat hesitantly, awkwardly glancing over towards Levi for a moment before chewing. He was watching her intently, making sure she ate breakfast. Though pork wasn't really "breakfast" in America. It was usually cereal or Pop Tarts.

"What's with the look on your face?" Levi deadpanned, resting his head in his palm, "You look disgusted."

The blonde gulped the piece down and looked down at her lap. "That's because I don't eat often..."

"Tch. That's going to change," Levi ordered, taking a drink of the tea he apparently had in that weird way of his, "You _need_ to eat in order to get strong."

Quinn sighed. "Can I just go to training?"

* * *

><p>"This is the 3D Manuever Gear," Petra explained, holding up a set in front of Quinn and pointing to each object present, "This is the gas tank, and this is the lever that controls which direction the wires will shoot out."<p>

Quinn blinked. She was absolutely flabbergasted by the fact that she would get to use _actual 3DMG_. It was like a dream come true!

After Petra helped her get it on, she lead Quinn's hand to each control button and then took a step back with a soft smile.

"Alright, try to shoot the wires towards that tree" - Petra pointed towards a group of four tall trees right next to each other - "and swing."

The blonde gulped, rolling her shoulders and glancing up at the tall tree. She looked down at her Manuever Gear, turning her hips and aiming towards the top. And that's when she shot.

The force of the grapple caused her to swing upside down for a moment as she flew up. Quinn nearly screamed, but managed to grasp one of the branches. The wires were tangled by the time she made it up there.

"Shit," Quinn cursed as she looked down, her feet dangling in the air as her arms wrapped even tighter around the thick branch.

"Quinn!" Petra called, sighing, "I'll get you down!" She skillfully made her way towards the top of the tree with her gear and wrapped one arm around Quinn's skinny frame. The blonde seemed to be light as a feather, for the auburn-haired woman had no trouble carrying her back down.

Quinn winced as she landed on her feet, scratching the back of her head. "Er..." she mumbled shamefully, "I-I'm sorry..."

Petra smiled and patted her shoulder reassuringly. "It's perfectly fine! You just started. You'll get better." Then she covered her mouth with her hand and giggled. "I remember my first time with the 3DMG. I ended up tangled with Auruo and we had to stay there for about half an hour before someone came to help us."

_I ship it_, Quinn thought with wide eyes, trying to hide her laughing, _I ship it so hard._

The blonde noticed Petra's ears turn pink, and smirked slightly. "Ooh...are you _blushing_?" she taunted, trying to prop her elbow on the auburn's shoulder, yet she was too short to do so.

Petra widened her eyes slightly, turning towards Quinn with a slightly heaver blush. "Wh-What!? Of course not!"

"Mm...I think you are."

"Am not!"

Quinn laughed, poking Petra's nose. "Whatever you say, lover girl." Then she turned back around to face the tall trees and looked up towards the 3DMG stuck in the branches, her nose wrinkling. "So...uh...how are we gonna get that down?"

* * *

><p>"You know, we're really going to have to know where you're from," Hanji said as they ate at the dining hall that night.<p>

Quinn took a drink of her water and managed to gulp it down. Hesitantly nodding, she sighed. _You guys wouldn't believe me if I told you_, she thought rather dejectedly.

"Why can't you just tell us?" Gunter asked accusingly, raising an eyebrow. Quinn glanced at him and bit her lip.

"Uhh..." she mumbled, "Well..." _Should I tell them? Or should I lie?_

Everyone was staring at her, awaiting some kind of response. The most terrifying stare was from Hanji, surprisingly. Opposite from Levi's cold stare, Hanji's look was excitable and almost insane.

The blonde inhaled and looked down at her lap. "I...can't remember..."

_There's no way I can tell them that I come from a place where people watch them on TV - and even write fanfictions about them! They'd think I'm crazy!_

Then she corrected herself.

_Oh...wait...they probably already do._

Hanji suddenly jumped towards Quinn, startling her. "Hey!" she exclaimed excitedly, "Would you be interested in helping me out with a few..._experiments_?"

Eren flinched as he realized that he would most likely be a part of it. Quinn thought for a moment and glanced at Levi, shifting uncomfortably when she realized he was staring at her.

"What kind of experiments?" she asked curiously.

"You'll just have to see~!" Hanji sang with a laugh and began to waltz out, "I have to go tend to my squad, but I'll see both you and Eren tomorrow~!"

When she left, Eren slammed his forehead against the wooden table and groaned. Quinn awkwardly patted his head and looked to the side nervously.

_Considering Hanji's past experiments in the series...I'm basically fucked. _

* * *

><p><strong>HALLOWEEN IS COMING UP HUEHEHEHE<strong>

**AMERICAN HALLOWEEN WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**


	6. Chapter 6

**this fic is fucking awful why the hell am i even writing it**

**oh yeah**

**cause i have no social life**

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

"Oh, God," Quinn mumbled as Hanji dragged both she and Eren towards the area that held a captured 5-meter Titan.

_They're even more terrifying in person._

Hanji's brown eyes were full of excitement; too much, in fact. She basically threw the two on the ground and grinned brightly, gesturing to the Titan.

"This is Jasmine!" the brunette woman exclaimed, turning towards the Titan and waving, "We're going to be performing a series of tests, starring you two!"

"Wait, why am I here?" Quinn asked, confused. Wasn't Eren the special one?

Hanji laughed out loud, though the two youngsters had no idea what the hell was so funny. She wagged her finger and helped the two up, holding Quinn in front. "Don't you remember?" she chuckled, "You managed to avoid being eaten by a large nest of Titans for over 48 hours, while unconscious!"

The blonde's eyes widened. _Oh...yeah..._

"W-Wait!" she protested, stepping back a little from the Titan and Hanji, "T-That doesn't mean anything! Maybe they just didn't see me!"

Hanji shook her head. "When Levi and I found you, you were lying right in the middle of the nest. All of the Titans were watching you; but they were avoiding you."

_That's impossible...I'm a human. Titans eat humans, right?_

Eren was staring at Quinn. He had obviously forgot about why she was even there in the first place as well.

Hanji, ignoring both of their reactions, whirled around and shoved Quinn towards the Titan. "Alright, let's just see her reaction!"

"Whose reaction?" Quinn mulled, turning her head back in absolute fear. She bit her lip as Hanji replied, "The Titan's, of course!"

The Titan, apparently called "Jasmine", peered down at Quinn while in its shackled-up state. The blonde nearly whimpered, but held her tongue and hesitantly took a step forward.

_...Nothing's happening..._

Quinn tilted her head in confusion and walked up to where her head could possibly get bitten off. Some of the other soldiers were calling at her to step back, but there was absolutely nothing happening. The Titan was just staring down at her, with no reaction nor response.

"Whoa!" Hanji laughed, pulling up her glasses to make sure she was actually seeing correctly.

Eren blinked in confusion, his eyes wide. "...Huh?"

As Quinn observed the Titan's terrifying face, she made an awkward noise and stepped back, falling on her ass in the process. That's when the Titan growled and made a move to chomp her.

The blonde screamed in shock, crawling back and hiding behind Eren. She grasped his shirt with her fists, shaking slightly. "Uhh.." she mumbled, "Sorry..."

"Have you never seen a Titan before or something?" Eren asked curiously, standing up and extending a hand to help her up. Quinn hesitantly took it as she slowly nodded, deciding to tell the truth.

"N-no...I haven't..." _Only on the TV._

Hanji stared at Quinn and Eren for a while before grinning. "We should report this to Levi..."

* * *

><p><em>Even after all that explaining, I still have to clean...<em>

After Hanji's report, Levi just made Eren and Quinn go clean while he discussed something "important" with the Titan-obsessed brunette woman.

She sprayed the window with water and scrubbed the stains clean until she could see her reflection.

_I wish I had pretty fanfiction-girl eyes..._

Quinn's eyes were a plain blue. Just flat-out blue. They weren't special, pretty, or ugly. They didn't sparkle or glimmer in the sun. They were just there.

Her hair, on the other hand, was actually very nice. Due to her rich history, she and her parents only used the best of the best products. It caused her hair to end up silky and shiny; many of her classmates in her private academy were jealous of it.

_Oh, yeah_, Quinn thought in realization, _I wonder how the academy is doing..._

She frowned. _They probably haven't noticed that I'm gone. Shows how much everyone cares, eh?_

Quinn wordlessly threw the cleaning cloth against the wall in frustration. She then took a deep breath and set down the old-fashioned spray bottle - which contained an odd mixture of water and soap.

But then it began. The dark thoughts and the painful voices.

_Don't you see that bottle you set down? Drink it. It'll make you feel better._

_There's a rope in the closet, you know. Why don't you make yourself a pretty necklace?_

_No one will notice when you're gone. _

_No one cares, after all._

"Shut up."

_Do it, Quinn._

_Do it now._

_Don't worry, you'll be fine._

_It'll all be better afterwards._

Quinn covered her ears, digging her nails into her head and nearly ripping her beautiful hair out. "No..." she whispered, her voice breaking. Tears welled in her eyes as she squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to cry; she didn't want to be weak.

_It's what Mother always wanted._

"NO!" the blonde shrieked, banging her head against the cold, hard wall. She groaned in pain, sliding down the wall and falling to the ground. The rough hit to her head apparently struck one of her sensitive zones, for her eyes began to get heavy.

She tried to reach out towards something; anything. But it was too late.

The world went dark. She managed to stay conscious for a few seconds to hear one more sentence in her head.

_You're such a failure._


	7. Chapter 7

**LEMME TELL YOU A THING THAT HAPPENED IN MATH CLASS TODAY.**

**So my teacher, Mr. Calabrese, was going over our test and he gets to question 21. Naturally, like the annoying idiot I am, I immediately said "Twenny-one" like that one kid in the vine after he said the number. Everyone starts laughing and Calabrese is like, "I don't get why that's so funny..."**

**We explain it to him and show him the vine, and he laughs shortly before all of us in the class starts saying it. He points to the question on the board and pauses before saying, "Okay, okay, back to question veintiún**** (which means "twenty-one in Spanish)."**

**There was a silence before I say, "Twenny-one."**

**And the class launches off topic again. ****Anyways, here's the chapter. Review, too, if you want. But you know you want to ;P**

* * *

><p>Chapter 7<p>

"Quinn! Oh, my _God_, you're bleeding!" a faint voice cried, "Oh, God..."

It was definitelty Petra, judging from the feminine shrieks and the gentleness of the hands that grasped Quinn's arm, shoulder, and head.

"AURUO! GUNTER!" she called hastily, carefully raising Quinn's head and grimacing at the blood matted in her hair.

The two men rushed in, and widened their eyes at the scene.

"Holy _shit_!" Auruo exclaimed, "What the hell happened?"

Petra shook her head. "I-I don't know! I came in to get Quinn for dinner and I found her like this!" The auburn pressed her hand to the wound on her head, which was still gushing blood.

Gunter kneeled down and swooped up Quinn in his arms, keeping her head upright. "She must have hit her head pretty hard." He looked towards the wall, which was slightly stained with blood, "Against the wall, I assume."

Auruo sighed, "We have an _idiot_ on our hands."

Petra smacked him in the shoulder disapprovingly. "It was probably just an accident! There's no way Quinn would hit her head on purpose."

In Gunter's arms, Quinn shifted slightly.

_You have no idea._

* * *

><p>"Another injury, dumbass?" Levi questioned as Quinn washed the dishes. It was her turn, after all.<p>

The blonde frowned, her hand instictively going up to the bandages wrapped around her head. Some parts of her hair stuck out; they annoyed her, especially the ones hanging in her face.

She decided not to respond, and continued rubbing the food off the dishes used for lunch.

Suddenly, the captain sighed and rolled up his sleeves. "You're not washing them right," he grumbled and gently pushed Quinn to the side a little. He took a dish and snatched the sponge from her hands, rubbing it around the bowl.

Quinn sent him a deadpanned expression, her hands hovering lamely in the air. She dropped them, and let them smack against her thighs. "Alright, whatever," she muttered in annoyance, "Wasn't like I was using that anyways."

"Good," Levi replied, his eyes glaring into Quinn's head. The blonde huffed, turning her head away. She sighed, and then looked up at him.

_Why must everyone be taller than me? I feel like Edward Elric._ Quinn blinked, then looked off into the distance dramatically before realizing. _Wait...I'm actually taller than him..._

She felt a slight ping of pride before picking up another sponge and washing the cup she was holding. Deciding to piss Levi off, she nudged him in the side until he looked over at her. Quinn held the cup like the captain did and grinned.

"Guess who I am?"

He simply stared at her, his eyes blank. Quinn laughed lightly, setting down the cup and flipping her hair out of her eyes. But when she swung her head, she had forgotten about her injury. When the shock of pain jolted through her body, she winced and pressed her palm against the covered wound.

"Don't mess with it," Levi ordered, pulling her hand away and rinsing off the plate he had been washing, "It won't heal."

"Aw, does Captain Levi care about me?"

The raven-haired man glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "Of course I care about my squad," he stated firmly, "Do you think I don't?"

Quinn was slightly taken aback, but shrugged. "Well...you're always such a hardass," she replied, tapping her chin with her finger, "And you're all emotionless!"

"Emotions get in the way," he replied flatly, still emotionless as ever. Quinn stared at him, eyeing his figure up and down. No matter what way she looked at him, he was still extremely attractive.

_At least he's not a fictional character anymore._

* * *

><p>Once the two were finished with all the dishes, Quinn smiled and turned towards Levi. "Thanks!" she exclaimed, but then raised her eyebrows in confusion, "But...why did you help me?"<p>

"You were doing it wrong."

"Well..." the blonde mumbled, leaning back slightly and rocking back and forth on her heels, "I've never really washed dishes before."

"Didn't your parents teach you chores?" Levi questioned, folding his arms after drying his hands and tossing the towel at Quinn's face.

She didn't answer as she dried off her hands. The blonde kept her gaze low, basically staring at her feet. The air around them was tense as Quinn awkwardly set the damp towel aside. She glanced up at Levi, and stiffened when she realized that he had been staring at her the entire time. Her face heated up just barely as she clenched her fists.

"M-my parents...don't exactly...care..."

"What do you mean?"

Quinn inhaled deeply and looked him in the eye, despite all the burning memories raging through her head. "They don't give a shit," she huffed and stormed past him, an odd rage flowing through her veins.

She was angry; she was _pissed_. Why? She didn't know. Maybe at herself, at her parents, at Levi; who knows?

But most of all, she was disappointed in herself for letting her feelings get the best of her.

_Levi's right. Emotions only get in the way._

She stomped into her room, slamming the door shut behind her and running her hands forcefully through her tangles of hair. She wanted to scream and throw things - but she wasn't _that_ childish.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she breathed out, remembering that she usually took pills for her random anger episodes. And they worked too. Without them, she would only solve her anger with one other way...

_Why not take a visit to the familiar silver glint? _the dark voice in her mind taunted, _Remember when Mother took away your pills? You found another way to deal with the rage._

Quinn opened her eyes and slowly let her hands drop. Glancing at her legs, she bit her lip nervously and rushed over to furiously search between the shelves and drawers for anything sharp.

_See? You're doing it right. You understand what you have to do, for once._

She felt her eyes burn, but refused to cry. She had already cried too much.

Quinn's hand pricked something sleek and sharp, and she withdrew her hand in shock. As her finger began to lightly bleed, she picked it up by the handle.

It was a knife. A knife used for self-defense. It was right in her drawer - and she didn't even have to look very hard.

_God must want me to hurt myself...This is my punishment for my failures._

The blonde took a deep breath, rolling up her pant leg and holding the knife over her already-scarred legs. Her uniform was still being made, so it wasn't like she would ruin it or anything.

Scars, bruises, and cuts lined up and down her legs - especially on her thighs.

_Most people cut on their wrists, but that's too noticeable..._

A single tear dripped down her cheek as Quinn swiped the blade against her calf. A shock of pain shook her body, but it felt somewhat satisfying. She was addicted to it.

_I deserve this._

Another cut.

_This is my punishmnent._

Two more cuts. Four more drops of blood.

_I'm a failure. _

She stopped, breathing deeply. Her chest heaved before she took her bed sheet and hesitantly wrapped up her leg with it. More tears dripped down her face before she could stop them.

_I don't want to be alive anymore..._


	8. Chapter 8

**R.I.P. Mike Brown. I'm sorry.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

Petra walked into Quinn's room with a smile. She grinned even brighter when she realized that the blonde was sleeping and set down her newly-arrived uniform on the chair beside the bed. Then she exited the room, slowly closing the door behind her.

* * *

><p>After an hour or so of trying to get the damn uniform together, Quinn finally managed to get it on and awkwardly walked outside where Levi was waiting for her.<p>

"Uh..." she mumbled, trying to get the straps more comfortable against her body, "Does this uniform even fit?"

"You'll get used to it," he replied and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "And since I'm responsible for both you and the Jaeger brat, I'm going to have to be the main instructor for your combat skills."

She paled. _Shit._

He got into a stance and eyed the blonde up and down. "Mirror the way I'm positioned."

Quinn bit her lip and watched him carefully, their eyes locked as she copied his stance. Just before she thought she had it right, she observed the way Levi's foot was placed forwards slightly and quickly moved her own.

The captain nodded once in approval, his expression unchanged. Quinn felt a small sliver of hope that she may be able to get it right, but then she was suddenly kicked in the leg and swept off her feet. As she landed hard against the ground, the blonde stared angrily up at Levi, her jaw clenched.

"H-Hey! What was that fo-"

"Never let your guard down in front of your opponent," he interuppted, brushing off his shirt and pants. It was quiet for a moment until he heard a tiny cry of pain coming from the fallen blonde. Blinking, he looked down at her, "You still haven't got up?"

"...I'm trying," Quinn mumbled, not wanting to seem weak. She made her way to her feet, but lost her balance and fell again. This time she hit her elbow. "...Ow..."

A sigh. "I guess I kicked you harder than I thought."

To Quinn's great surprise, he extended a hand towards her. His expression didn't waver whatsoever; his cold gaze was like ice.

The blonde gulped and hesitantly grasped his hand. He yanked her up with a surprising bolt of strength, causing Quinn to yelp in shock. _His hands are really warm._

Levi seemed to grimace, but it was just slightly. "Why are your hands so cold?"

Quinn quickly let go of his hand as if it burned, letting it drop freely to her side. "I have no soul," she replied ominously, trying to get a reaction out of the slightly-taller man.

She got none.

He simply stared at her, his eyes showing annoyance. Then he flicked her in the nose, making Quinn blink and jump in surprise.

"Hey, what!? What was that for?" Quinn demanded, her eyes burning and temper rising.

"Dumbass."

"Is that what you're gonna call me now?"

"Yes."

Quinn groaned, dropping her head and wobbling around. Levi got into another pre-battle stance and ordered the blonde to copy him.

* * *

><p>Levi extended his arm, making a move to punch the blonde, but swiped his foot around and attempted to trip her. But, since she had been practicing with him till the sun was setting, Quinn jumped up slightly and blocked both attacks. It didn't waver Levi, however, due to him having been using his combat skills for years.<p>

Quinn smiled, laughing. But she stopped when Levi raised his eyebrows.

"Huh. So you can laugh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

The blonde tilted her head in confusion, but she was all but answered by her superior. Sighing, Quinn ran a hand through her hair and looked up at the sky. Then she laughed excitedly and tugged on Levi's sleeve.

"Levi! Levi! Look! The stars!"

"What about them? They're just stars." His cold gray eyes seemed to burn through her boring blue ones.

Quinn's shoulders drooped. "W-Well..." _I live in an area where there's a lot of lights, so I can't really see the stars all that much as I used to. _"...Aren't they cool? Maybe we can even see a shooting star!"

"'_We_'?"

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine, I will."

Levi tch-ed, shaking his arm loose from her grasp and walking back into the castle. "I have cleaning to do; I don't have time for stars."

"You always have time for stars! Especially when it's dark out!" Quinn called, but the ravenette ignored her.

She dropped her hands and plopped herself down on the grass. Stretching her body out across it, she looked up at the sky and just stared.

_I wish I could do this everyday. I wish I could see stars like these from my bedroom window._

That got her thinking.

_I wonder if anyone misses me. I wonder if they're having a party. Probably the second._

She could see it now. Her parents celebrating the fact that their ungrateful, worthless daughter was gone and they wouldn't have to worry about the Knoxville name being smeared into nothing.

Her peers celebrating that she finally took the chance to disappear, like they have been ordering her to do all these years.

A single tear streamed down her face as she imagined even more scenes.

_Don't cry, Quinn. Don't show your weaknesses. They'll call you names again. They'll hurt you again._

As she began to cry even harder, that one voice that's been in Quinn's head for as long as she remembered decided to rear its ugly head.

_Go ahead and cry, you worthless piece of shit._

* * *

><p><strong>Hey. If you're reading this, I want to know something.<strong>

**Are you okay? **

**If you have any medication, have you taken it? If not, please do so.**

**If you haven't eaten or drunk anything today or in the past six hours, please do.**

**If you're planning on killing yourself soon, rethink your choices. Don't you understand how everyone is going to feel? Also, what about everything in your life that you would miss? Like, aren't you gonna miss puppies!?**

**If you cut yourself, I want you to know that you don't have to do that. It's just causing more pain.**

**I know what it's like. ****I care about you, okay? You'll be fine.**

**I love you **


	9. Extra

**Wow a short extra and not a new chapter whoops**

**Continuing directly off where last chapter ended. **

**Friendly reminder that Quinn is 18 (still in high school...kinda), Levi is 24, and Eren is 15.**

* * *

><p><span><em>Extra<em>

"Hey," a soft voice said.

Quinn jumped in surprise, sitting up and turning around to see Eren standing behind her. She hastily wiped away stray tears and sniffed, running a hand through her hair and coughing awkwardly.

"S-S'up?"

_Fuck, I stuttered. I can't even keep my voice together._

Eren frowned, possibly in concern. "Are you okay? You were crying."

_Ah, shit_, Quinn cursed at herself. Unnoticed by Eren, she reached into her sleeve and pinched her skin with her fingernails. She winced, but let go after five seconds and sighed.

"Nah, there was just something in my eye," she lied smoothly, "Probably allergies." _I don't even have allergies._

The brunette eyed her suspicously before shrugging and taking a step forward. "Mind if I watch the stars with you?"

"Be my guest."

Eren plopped down on the cold grass beside the blonde and laid down with a sigh. Quinn did the same, her arms splayed out above her head. She glanced towards Eren, taking a deep breath.

"Sorry for being so awkward," she mumbled, "Especially when we first met."

He was taken by surprise for a moment, but laughed and shook his head. "No, it's fine. I understand. After all, it's probably weird to wake up and immediately by bombarded by questions."

Quinn nodded, clenching her fists slightly. She stared up at the sky, her eyes being lost in the horizon.

"...My mom and I used to watch the stars all the time," Eren suddenly said softly, his eyes shining, "She would wake me up to show me the night sky. One day we saw a shooting star, and she told me to make a wish."

Quinn blinked. "What did you wish for?"

Eren looked at her, and smirked slightly. "I wished that I could join the Survey Corps, but I told her that I wished that we could all be together forever." He sighed, stretching out his arms and legs. "Never thought it would be like this."

"Is your mom dead?" _I already know this, but..._

His expression remained the same, but his eyes seemed to sadden. "...Yeah," he finally replied. After what seemed like forever, he looked over towards his blonde companion and raised his eyebrows, "What about you? Your parents?"

_Uh._

"They're shitty parents," she said automatically, surprising the younger brunette teen beside her, "All they care about is how useful I am and if I'll be a 'worthy heir to the Knoxville name'."

"U-uh..." Eren stammered awkwardly, the coldness of Quinn's voice scaring him, "So...you're...rich?"

Quinn didn't respond, despite the fact that she was, in fact, filthy rich. Well, technically, her parents were. She wouldn't have any say in anything until she took over the Knoxville name.

"Captain Levi said that you were from Shiganshina," Eren said, trying to start a new conversation, "Is that true?"

"...Yeah." _Nope. I'm from Las Vegas, actually, but my parents and I live in LA._

"How come I've never seen you?" Eren asked, but wanted to take back his words, "Well, I mean...I might've seen you, but maybe I don't remember. Uh...but 'Quinn Knoxville' is kind of a weird name."

"So is Eren Jaeger," Quinn laughed, "Jaegermeister is a type of beer."

"What's '_Jaegermeister_'?"

_Wait, shit, I shouldn't've said that. Fuck, I'm stupid._

"Uh..." Quinn mumbled nervously, scratching the back of her neck, "N-nothing, don't worry about it."

Eren looked confused, but Quinn pointed up at the sky and gasped. "Look! A shooting star!" Even though she knew what a "shooting star" really was, her inner child usually took over.

The brunette teen laughed, sitting up and looking over at the blonde. "What do you wish for?"

The blonde thought for a moment, her plain blue eyes scanning the sky in search of anything inspirational. She had no idea. But then it hit her.

She took a deep breath and exhaled.

_I wish I could be happy._


	10. Chapter 9

**Hanji is me. **

**I am Hanji.**

**We are one.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

"These straps are tight."

"Just shut up and start your laps."

"...Yes, Levi..."

"Excuse me? Do you have permission to call me that? I am your superior."

Before Levi could make her answer, Quinn took off in the opposite direction, beginning her laps as fast as she possibly could. "SORRY, LEVI!" she called with a laugh, her hair flying behind her.

Hanji was spying on the two from behind a bush. She could have sworn she saw a very faint smirk laced with amusement across the captain's face. The brunette woman covered her mouth with her hand to suppress her giggles.

Levi's eyebrows furrowed, his ears picking up a faint sound. He looked around, but saw nothing. For Hanji was flat against the ground to avoid being seen, her hands covering her mouth to prevent any noise from escaping.

Once Levi was distracted by watching Quinn try to run, Hanji managed to escape and ran into the HQ.

"OH MY GOD!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, "PETRAAAAAAA!"

The auburn-haired woman cautiously entered the room and gulped. "Y-yes?"

Hanji's face spread into a grin meant for a maniac. "Levi was staring at Quinn!"

"And that's supposed to be special?" Petra asked, confused. "He's training her, after all. Why wouldn't he be watching her?"

"YEAH, BUT HE WAS _BLUSHING_. Very slightly, though."

Petra's eyes widened. "Are you serious!?" she cried, throwing the broom she was holding aside and gasping, "Oh my God, does this mean he-"

"-likes Quinn!?" Hanji finished, cutting the auburn woman off, "Yes!"

Petra thought for a moment, then shrugged slightly. "Well...that doesn't exactly mean he _likes _her, per say..." she said, tapping her chin in thought, "But maybe he's just growing to care for her..."

"BUT THE SHIP MUST SAIL!" Hanji yelled, completely throwing Petra's suggestion aside and running off.

The auburn-haired woman blinked in confusion before picking up the broom she had tossed aside earlier and continuing to sweep the hallways.

* * *

><p>Quinn sat in her room, staring mindlessly out the window. Her hair was mussy and she probably really needed to wash it, but she just didn't have the motivation to get up.<p>

Before her mind would spiral towards bad thoughts, she quickly stood (without falling). Her eyes laid upon the bathroom door.

The blonde swung the door open and stepped inside, looking down at the bathtub that sat against the wall. She took a bucket and filled it with water before dumping it into the tub. Then she peeled off her dirty clothing, shut the bathroom door, and sunk herself down into the water.

"...The water's cold," she muttered to herself before a shiver ran up her spine. She sunk until her mouth was underwater and blew bubbles with the soap, like she always did when it was those rare times she took baths. Quinn preferred showers.

Quinn lathered her body with soap and took out some shampoo to wash her hair with. It wasn't as luxurious as the product she had back home, obviously, but it would do.

* * *

><p>When the blonde finally left the bathroom, it was dark outside. She could see the moon and stars.<p>

She snatched a random pair of pants and shirt, throwing them on before flopping herself on the bed. Quinn buried her face in the pillow, letting out a long, lazy groan. Her muscles ached.

Her damp hair splayed across her neck, falling in her face as she turned her head and shifted slightly.

Then she had an idea. Her room was right next to Levi's, after all...

"GOODNIGHT, LEVI!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, using her heel to bang on the wall lightly. Quinn awaited a response.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

There it was.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chapter because Quinn deserves a chapter to end happy for her (for once).<strong>


End file.
